i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
