his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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