Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
