I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
