She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
