blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
