I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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