how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
