one two three fourrrrnication!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize