I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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