Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
