6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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