If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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