Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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