love makes seman taste better
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
