ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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