I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
