he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I believe in your delicious
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
