So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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