don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
