its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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