So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
