I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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