she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I came so hard my ears popped.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
