hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize