Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
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