We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
