Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
