So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
