You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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