i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
