her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
