no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My pussy is not your playground.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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