i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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