dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
literally had 100 drinks last night.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
