I am in a vortex of obligation.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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