We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
