thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
