Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That accounts for only three of the penises
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
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