Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
