I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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