I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
