I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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