is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
