Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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