its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I need to calm my uterus...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize