The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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