how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i drank out of a bidet.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
