Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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