If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize