Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
