those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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