How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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