Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I met the friendliest cop last night
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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