He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
