Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.

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(228): View more from Mississippi

Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?

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(206): View more from Washington

I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.

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(619): View more from California

all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank

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(269): View more from Michigan

I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.

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(602): View more from Arizona

I demand visitation hours with the duck.

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(831): View more from California

I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Youre having a picnic

(773): View more from Illinois

Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.

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(928): View more from Arizona

They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...

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