sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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