how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
