Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
