every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
