Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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