Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
