My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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