think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
