Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize
