so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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