Where is the hickey?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
