Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
