i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
