So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
