like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
