If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize