one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
