I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
